2/2 Party Leader 2012/01/25(Wed)09:40 No. 382082 ID: d6af4f
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Before you set off, you must register your NAME and OCCUPATION to the record keeper.

You must also state the PARTY SIZE of the caravan, a number from TWO to SIX. While a higher number will help when it comes to MANUAL LABOR needs and UNTIMELY DEMISES not ending the journal prematurely, it will also require MORE FOOD and SUPPLIES to make the trip.

NAME: Stevis
OCCUPATION: Animal Trainer
PARTY SIZE: Four

name: pujo
occupation: cat herder
party size: 6

NOMBRE: Durk Nuuk'erm
OCUPACION: Berserker Packin' Bold and A Half
TALLA DE GRUPO: 5

>>382089
Ok I was going to come up with something of my own, but this is just too good to pass up. So Durk Nuuk'erm it is!

NAME: Bark
OCCUPATION: Kobold
PARTY SIZE: 6

Name: Cila
Occupation: Hunter
Party Size: 5

>>382089
This
NOSE NOSE NOSE OF STEEL

>>382089
Ok yeah this has to happen.

>>382089

this, but change group size to less than minimum. for EUROPEAN EXTREME mode.

1/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/25(Wed)11:30 No. 382105 ID: d6af4f
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Your name is DURK NUUK'ERM.

Your occupation is BERSERKER PACKIN' BOLD AND A HALF.

The party size will be 5. The party will consist of...

Durk Nuuk'erm
Flarin
Glilmus
Domin
Tlaylder

2/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/25(Wed)11:37 No. 382109 ID: d6af4f
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Bilbin's General Store

You have been given basic supplies of two (2) oxen, fifty (40) days of food (For one kobold), and one wagon with one spare axle and one spare wheel. Your journey is estimated to take between 20 and 40 days.

You may purchase additional supplies for the journey. As a BERSERKER PACKIN' BOLD AND A HALF, you also have...
5 silver pieces
3 sticks of chewing gum
2 marble chewtoys (steel)
1 (Crossbow - Big)


What would you like to buy? 10 copper = 1 silver.
Oxen - 1 s
Nice Set of Clothes - 5c
4 Days of Food Rations - 1c
Spare Wagon Wheel - 5 c
Wagon Wheel Spinning Rims - 1 c each wheel
Spare Wagon Axle - 5 c
Spare Wagon Tongue - 5c
Sword - 4 c
Shield - 3 c
Hunting Crossbow - 3c
Grandfather Clock - 5 c

Additional items may be requested for availability and pricing.

ALL OF THE GRANDFATHER CLOCKS, NOTHING CAN GO WRONG.

What are our wagonmates carrying, and what are their occupations?

>>382108
TIME FOR SHOPPING, LA LA LA
4 RIM SPINNAHZ FIT FOR A GHETTO BOLDKING (US, OBVIOUSLY) - 4c
2 SWORDS AND SHIELDS FOR OUR GUARDSBOLDS - 14c
A HUNTING CROSSBOW FOR OUR RANGERBOLD - 3c
2 NICE SETS OF CLOTHES (ONE ACTUAL SET OF CLOTHES, TRADE THE OTHER SET FOR FANCY HATS. HA HA, WE CLASSYBOLDS NOW) - 10c
20 DAYS EXTRA FOOD (DON'T WANNA STARVE IF WE SUCK AT HUNTING) - 5c
A GRANDFATHER CLOCK (THE FIRST OF MANY TO COME) - 5c


41 HOLLA HOLLA COPPAS FOR THIS SHOPPIN' LIST

Divide your money evenly between weapons and food.

>>382112
Bam. Buy all the clocks, then sell them to other outposts for MASSIVELY INFLATED PRICES.

>spinning rims
Hoo-lee shit, we're gonna need five of those.

Get one of each of the spare parts and two silver's worth of food. How much do crossbow bolts cost?

>You have been given basic supplies of two (2) oxen, fifty (40) days of food (For one kobold), and one wagon with one spare axle and one spare wheel.
>fifty (40) days of food
>fifty (40)

um...


In other news, how much for the square wagon wheel?

>>382109
I think you should get:
One spare ox(just in case food/replacement engine part) 10c
One spare wheel(having only one is not enough!) 5c
Five spinnas(Four for now, one just in case) 5c
40 days of rations 10c
One sword 4c
One shield 3c
One crossbow 3c
Two grandfather clocks(They shall be the currency you will use!)10c

And this leaves you with no money, heh, so you should be fine.

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/25(Wed)13:04 No. 382126 ID: d6af4f
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>Fifty (40)
You re-read your current stock. It does say "Fifty (40) Days of Food" in a towering testament to kobold like book keeping.

>Current party

You, Durk Nuuk'erm, a BERSERKER PACKIN' BOLD AND A HALF. Skills:
- Professional Fighter
- Competent Crossbowbold
- Expert Striker
- Talented Fighter

From left to right are your other party members. They have NO money and NO belongings aside from what they are wearing.

Flarin, a TRACKER. Skills:
- Skilled Tracker
- Competent Crossbowbold

Glilmus, a MERCHANT.
- Adequate Record Keeper
- Competent Appraiser
- Competent Swordsbold

Domin, a DOCTOR.
- Adequate Bone Doctor
- Novice Diagnostician
- Novice Surgeon
- Competent Suturer
- Competent Wound Dresser

Tlaylder, a CHEESE MAKER
- Master Cheese maker
- Competent Swordsbold

You may CHANGE names if you like, and add ONE(1) accessory so that Durk Nuuk'erm may have a fighting chance in telling any of them apart.

The shopping will continue.
The square wagon wheel is priced as all other wagon wheels.
A quiver of crossbow bolts (20 bolts) is priced at 2 copper.

>Tlaylder, a CHEESE MAKER

Change name to Urist.
Wear cat bone earring.

>square wagon wheel

what no

>CHEESE MAKER

NOOOO REMAKE PARTY START OVER

The hell?
Is this going to be some caravan adventure or are we going to strike the earth and found a fortress?
If such is the case, we lack vital skills in our dwa.. kobolds which will make it tough. Should probably get a pickax as well, since there might be mining..

Buy ONE (2) cows and live on Master Cheese forever.
Also change Tlaylder's name to Chedda.

>>382138
Ahh yes, Chedda is a perfect name for a woman to woo
Dress her up in a chef's hat

>Flarin, a TRACKER.
Gangster Fedora
>Gil, a MERCHANT.
Racoon Cap
>Dom, a DOCTOR.
Paste on Goatee

>>382142
addition
Make Flarin's nickname FLAVA FLAV

>>382112
With two crossbowbolds, hopefully we should be supplementing rations through most of the trip. Stock up on oxen (2) and wagon wheel (2) for the worst, and plenty of bolts.

Grandfather clocks double as melee weapons/traps in a pinch, so what the hell, roll with it.

Oh man this is so good.

If Durk needs an accessory, just draw your favorite type of sunglasses lagotrope.
BECAUSE I'M CURIOUS

>>382146
If your gonna do this, FLAVA FLAV needs a mini grandfather clock on a chain as a necklace

I love the fact that Durk is both a professional fighter and a talented fighter

1/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/25(Wed)16:23 No. 382180 ID: d6af4f
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>>382136
This is a trading caravan, with a mission to trade with allied gnolls, and to deliver a message!

Additional goods will be carried by this wagon, but they are stricly off limits, and will not be appearing in standard inventory. You, with your honor as caravan leader, will never open them except in life or death scenarios.

Flarin will now be "Flava Flav", and wear a fedora. She will also be wearing the disassembled front part of a grandfather clock.
Glilmus will now be "Gil", and wear a Raccoon cap.
Domin will now be "Dom", and wear a fake goatee.
Tlaylder will now be "Chedda", and wear a chef's hat. She will also wear a cat bone earring.

Spectacles would be nice, lest you, Durk Nuuk'erm, be left out of the accessory party. Please choose between spectacles A and spectacles B.

2/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/25(Wed)16:23 No. 382181 ID: d6af4f
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>Crossbow
You buy a crossbow. It is not nearly as big as yours, because yours is a big fucking crossbow. You get ONE (20 bolts) box of bolts.

You buy TWO(2) swords and TWO(2) shields.
You buy ONE(2) cows.
You buy ONE(1) oxen.
You buy ONE(1) spare wagon wheel
You buy ALL (3) of the grandfather clocks.
You buy FIVE (5) Wagon Wheel Spinning Rims.
You buy FORTY (40) days worth of food. Which is 6 days for 5 kobolds.

You count out FORTY FIVE (54) copper coins, and hand them to the merchant. He accepts your payment, and leaves you with your goods.

You have zero (0) copper pieces left. Once you have chosen your spectacles, you may leave for your journey.

Embark? (y/n)

A, and... nnnoo, let's talk to other people on the trail.

B is the only possible choice.

>>382180
A hard choice, but A.

It's been a while since we've seen such a fine playa wearin' B

Wear both pairs!

>>382187
This.

>>382180
A, Durk needs his own style of shades.

A.

>You buy ONE(2) cows.

Another fine example of kobold bookkeeping.

Also, another vote for A.

Get Chedda to work making awesome cheese immediately
We put an investment into her, now we need returns!

Guys, we chose the name Durk Nuu'kerm. We are not being subtle.

B.

A)

Also, could we somehow get a belt with the Duke Nukem buckle?

>You buy TWO(2) swords and TWO(2) shields.
>You buy ONE(2) cows.
>You buy ONE(1) oxen.
>You buy ONE(1) spare wagon wheel
>You buy ALL (3) of the grandfather clocks.
>You buy FIVE (5) Wagon Wheel Spinning Rims.
>You buy FORTY (40) days worth of food. Which is 6 days for 5 kobolds.

total is 59c + however much the cow(2) was/were.

> You count out FORTY FIVE (54) copper coins, and hand them to the merchant.
> FORTY FIVE (54)

I love you Durk. (i vote B)

>>382214
If we're going all out with the accessories, we may as well just give him a Duke wig, a red wife beater, black pants, and kobold size boots with a cigar to top everything off.

>>382181
Who knows how to navigate? or Drive the carts?

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/25(Wed)18:58 No. 382227 ID: d6af4f
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>>382225
You are well versed in the ways of waving reins around until oxen move forward.

Chedda has begun using your purchased cow (2) to make cheese.

You talk to people out on the trail.
>"It's mighty fine weather we're havin'. Plenty of game, as well. You can trade with the natives out in the landmarks in the wild, but they're expert traders, so don't think you can pull a fast one!"

You embark on the 1st of Hematite (4th month). It is noon.
The pace is Steady.
The rations are Filling.

It is 2 o clock!
Gil's health is poor!
Dom uses his Diagnostics (Novice) to decide that Gil has a fever.

>>382227
Rations to bare bones, pace to grueling. It's the only way.

>>382227
Let Gil rest some in the wagon while we press onwards!

Wet your loincloth in a river and place it on Gil's forehead.

>>382227

... You're telling me he got a fever in *2 hours*?!

Goddamn.

What's Dom's confidence that he can cure this ailment? If he's a n00b... uh, is there any way we can just wait here and send someone back to fetch a healing mage? Or at least some herbs? Losing a few hours on the first day so that someone doesn't ~die~ is probably a good idea. Besides, the "Rest" option generally takes a lot of time anyways...

Alternatively, if that's not really an option, take a rest break while hunting and looking for herbs simultaneously. If possible. How hardcore OT is this?!

>>382227
Oh hell, somebody is sick already. Have you designated a hospital area in the cart? Is the water right next to Gil?

Flava Flav needs another skill. Gather some wood along the trail and get her making wood crafts to make more money later on.

Forgot to mention this, but it would seem this is very quickly becoming Kobold Caravan: Slave to Armok: God of Blood.
I wonder how we get migrants..

>>382227
Gil got sick in two hours? Is his constitution approximately zero?
How well do you trust Dom's diagnostic ability? 'Cause "novice diagnostician" could diagnose a 'bold with hypothermia as having a fever, and vice versa.

Gil's got a fever? Have Chedda fix him some hot chicken-noodle soup, gently kiss his forehead, and sing lullabies to him till he falls asleep. In the morning everything will be all better! :3c

>>382228
no.

does doc know how to treat fever? if not just let him rest in the cart and make sure he gets lots of water.

SHIT. This looks awesome.

Well anyway, let's pop up the rations tab and see if we can adjust it to be a bit more conservative, but still rather filling.

You know, unless it's one of those Hi-Med-Low kinda things.

Let Gil rest, give him a glass of milk and all that jazz, keep him this way until further diagnostics show no more signs of the fever.

And uh... what else is there to do? do a little hunting, I guess?

>>382227

oh... oh god, I know this. we're doomed. we're all doomed. it doesn't matter what we will do. this is the end.

>>382228
This is genius!

Make sure to take a crossbow while you're at it and shoot him in the side, then take the bolt out, and apply salt to the wound.

/sarcasmmodeoff

start hunting right now

shoot all of the buffalo

Apply master cheese and rest to Gil, switch pace to " haul ass" and finally sing "the Rocky Road to Dublin" with the loudest, manliest voice you can muster.

>>382301
http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?v=Vb2Xw424W0M

1/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)06:08 No. 382324 ID: d6af4f
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Paces: Steady/Strenuous/Grueling
Rations: Filling/Meager/Bare Bones

Pace have been set from STEADY to GRUELING.
Rations have been set from FILLING to MEAGER.

You apply Chedda's Masterwork Cheese and Milk to Gil's FEVER, as well as have Chedda apply a kiss to the forehead, while Gil will rest inside the wagon.
Dom says he is very certain it is just a fever.
You have no healing mages.

You begin hunting, while singing "The Rocky Road to Dublin" in the manliest voice one can muster.
Flava Flav will search for herbs while you hunt.

2/2 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)06:09 No. 382325 ID: d6af4f
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A wild buffalo has appeared.

>>382322
Durk and Flarin goes out to hunt them. Killing as many as they can, then we can raise the rations since we got an excess of buffalo meat.

Flava Flav can't go hunting because she is hunting an all new type of prey
HERBS N SHIT, gonna light up one when she gets back

Chew some gum, spit it out and use your boot to kill buffalo. Or shoot with the crossbow, whatever hurts more with your skillz.

move away. slowly...

>>382328
No, no, no! Durk Nuuk'erm has got balls of steel and no mangy buffalo will scare him off.

>>382327
This is the right course of action.
With the meat that will be acquired, rations can be set back to filling to compensate for the grueling pace.
Also, do not forget to take all the tongues and skin you can.

>Bag
>Pokeball

set the rations back to filling. also have someone work out how long the trip would take on any given pace.

1/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)09:38 No. 382339 ID: d6af4f
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>Animated
You take a moment to chew One (1) stick of gum, and spit it out. You start tropping your boot on all the buffalos.

2/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)09:38 No. 382340 ID: d6af4f
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You have tropped down 1490 days worth of food. You are able to carry back TWENTY FIVE (30) days worth of food back to your wagon, and leave the rest.
The Pace is GRUELING.
The Rations are FILLING.

You ask Gil to work out how long the trip would be with each given pace.
Gil now has 'Dabbling' skill in Mathematician!
Gil has Mathemetized the following Pace versus Time chart.

3/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)09:39 No. 382341 ID: d6af4f
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Traveling...
2nd of Hematite, Morning

You have reached a landmark.
You are at the Bondy Wingthread River!
It is 11 inches deep.
It is 20 feet across.

Do you...
-Ford the River
-Caulk the Wagon and float across
-Take the path around (Around TWO(2) additional days.)

Oh gog, I am not watching this shit, you KNOW its going to be:

>River: Ford,raft,hire guide
>Grats, you died of dysentery.

Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)09:49 No. 382344 ID: d6af4f
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Flava Flav has also returned with Herbs (Unidentified).
Flava Flav now has Herbalism (Dabbling)
You apply Unidentified Herbs to Gil's Fever.
You smoke the rest.

Hmm, I think yesterday we had 22 days worth of rations for five kobolds. That presumes that the rate of consumption is by default Filling.

Apply water to loincloth.
Apply loincloth to fever.
Go around.

don't fucking ford. go around.

Its less than a foot of water, I say ford it!

ford

that

river

how fast is the river going? if its relatively slow it should be safe to ford, if its fast even a shallow river can be dangerous.

Kick some trees down and bridge the river.

FORD IT

>>382353
This or ford it.

11 inches, the wheels should still touch bottom. Let's do the fording thing.

All kobolds in the wagon, lest they break a leg or get swept away or some other silly thing.

1/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)13:46 No. 382364 ID: d6af4f
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You take your SPARE loincloth, wet it, and apply to Gil's Fever.

Gil's fever has subsided.

>Ford the river

You attempt to ford the river.
splish

2/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)13:47 No. 382365 ID: d6af4f
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Gil has fallen out of the wagon into the river!

3/3 Durk Nuuk'erm 2012/01/26(Thu)13:47 No. 382366 ID: d6af4f
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You manage to save Gil from death by drowning.
You have made it across the river.
Gil is sick. Dom uses Diagnostics to decide Gil has Cholera.

if gil lives we are tying him down.

Hes gonna need alot of fluids. I suggest gathering water, boiling it and making buffulo broth soup. That should help replace the electrolytes hes losing.

Cholera is typically from poor sanitation so I suggest you also start being stricter about cooking food, boiling water and disposing of waste.

lovely. since cholera is the kind of disease that kills you by making you pee all of your nutrients and bodily liquids out of your ass, you should have Gil eat a lot, and even more importantly drink a lot. in fact, fill all your empty containers with water from the river now and have Gil drink more than he needs.

change pace to pleasant stroll.

Rest and Pray to the god of chaos.
What could possibly go wrong?

>>382366
If Gil gets dysentery then just shoot him.

Ask Gil if he has offended any gods lately
He seems to be getting the short end of the stick for this entire trip

>>382370

The waters of these rivers run with pee. Just touching them is enough to contract cholera.

>>382389
But pee is STERILE. It's full of freaking AMMONIA.